Freefall

‘It is time,’ I tell myself, aware of such lie.
Nothing else can hurt the way the heart does,
The way letting love go does.
It’s so hard to admit that this failed.

I thank you, though, for the many moments we shared,
For never having given me a reason to depart,
Rather than just not loving me back.

For being as perfect as you could,
without trying hard.
For the emotions I felt, I thank you now.

And while I dry the tears in my eyes,
I repeat the words I always evaded:
‘This is for the best.’

While I let my conscience do its part,
My heart ceases talking, faded.
‘This is for the best.’

How to forget what
my mind and heart
have already memorized?

The perfectness of these years,
the words written,
and unspoken ‘reasons.’

The lost gazes,
and fake indifference.

The furtiveness,
the gone concentration.

Who would’ve thought that this was going to end;
Who would’ve believed I’d once have to say goodbye.

The sweetest goodbye.

Ode to self revelations

It’s almost twelve,
And I tell myself:
Let’s look for a rhyme,
And write about life,
And maybe about love.
In the very end, who knows.

I just read once again,
the verses I wrote back then,
a day like today.
So much pain released,
And no tears.
Did I really see you that way?

It must be a spell, I tell myself;
And it sounds so believable.
Could love really last for so long,
Could it really linger?
It’s been this way forever:
Love, fear, letters…

So much uncertainty still,
And I thought it was all clear.
So much doubt still,
And so much love for you, dear.
As always,
“so far away, and so near.”

Twelve thirty by now,
And I feel I’ve said nothing.

Quite strange to remember old days,
When we were so little.
Was it really ‘love’ back then?
It felt so real.
It does, still.

I don’t believe in fate,
Not anymore.
But I know that fate
Believes in me, in us.
It believes in love,
Just as I do.

I’m feeling romantic today,
But quite puzzled:
How complicated love is.